I've been going to group lately. It was a big step for me. The last time I was told to go to group was at my university counseling center. They implied that I was too much for them and that it was time for me to move on. (I've recently realized how shitty they are to survivors.) This time was different. I was invited and it was obvious that it was my choice. So I chose to go. I'm so glad I did. The group is discussion based and everyone is encouraged to talk. We were all nervous at first, but we're slowly bonding and learning that we can trust each other.
Part of what comes up in group a lot is self care. My therapist has mentioned this a bit, but hearing other people talk about it has made me realize that I don't really know how to do self care and that I'm not clear on what it is. It seems obvious, doesn't it? To take care of one's self. But I can't find the line between self-care and shutting down. Is self care strictly something I enjoy? Or is it something deeper? I'm not really sure, so I'm trying new things to learn.
First, I'm blogging. I'd like to blog on this site more, but sometimes it's hard to come up with the words to what I'm feeling. I don't want this blog to be like a diary. Second, I'm trying new self-esteem builders. I'm taking self portraits on my phone. Sometimes I post them to my Tumblr. I'm starting to learn how other people may see me. (I can hear my sister right now saying that I shouldn't care in the first place.) I'm also cooking more, and making healthier meals. My friend Hummingbird has taught me how to make pasta dishes without sauce. She's taught me a lot of other recipes as well.
I'm trying to learn the different feeling that actual self-care can bring. So far, I've found that I enjoy creating. For too long, I have ignored my innate creativity because I was so afraid of what other people will think and the negativity it would bring. I've since learned that it doesn't really matter because it makes me feel good and when other people like it, it's just icing on the cake.
How do you practice self-care?
